Until My Dying Day
by surefireglambert
Summary: Spoilers for 4x14 and 4x15. After "Come What May", a text message and a sleepless night, Kurt realizes that there's a very important phone call he needs to make. Klaine. ONESHOT.


**WARNING: Spoilers for 4x14 "I Do" and 4x15 "Girls (And Boys) on Film".**

**Inspired by a text post on Tumblr. Both parts of Kurt's text message are taken from the post, which**** doesn't belong to me. Glee and any of its affiliated characters don't belong to me either.**

* * *

The thoughts wouldn't leave his head. The song. The place. The flashbacks. But most of all, the man.

After everyone had gone to sleep once they finished watching Kurt's second movie choice, Kurt laid awake in his bed for hours. The song was on repeat in his head and he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried, get the face of the man he'd been imagining out of his head. Even after Adam had lifted his head off of Kurt's shoulder at the end of _Moulin Rouge_ and watched the next movie cuddled by his side, Kurt couldn't enjoy the close proximity. Even when Adam kissed him on the cheek before heading to bed, whispering "Goodnight Kurt" in his adorable British accent, Kurt could feel a different, more familiar pair of lips on his cheek instead.

And he couldn't stand it anymore.

He was trying. He was trying _so hard_. He was trying to move on, to forget about _him_. He was still mad, he told himself, still angry and betrayed. Kurt didn't want to get back together with him. He had Adam, who lived in New York, who went to NYADA, who was part of his new post-high school world. He had no use for someone who lived hundreds of miles away.

_Then why did you spend so much time with him at Mr. Schue's wedding?_ His self-conscience questioned. _You hooked up with him in the backseat of a car. You proceeded to do things with him ex-boyfriends should __never__ do with each other after the wedding and then spent the rest of the time you were home with him at his house—_

Kurt shook his head to clear the thoughts out of his mind. The last thing he needed was to have _that_ conversation with himself again. He sat up, leaned against his headboard and squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could, opening them a minute later and looking around.

Before he could tell himself how bad of an idea it was, he reached for his phone and typed a message to a very familiar number.

_Watched Moulin Rouge with some friends today. I thought of you._

Kurt stared at the short message for five minutes, his thumb hovering over the "Send" button. His heart was racing in his chest as he added another sentence

_I still consider it our song._

He closed his eyes and sent it before he had a chance to regret it. When his phone confirmed that the message had in fact been sent to Blaine's phone, Kurt turned the phone off, laid down again and silently cried himself to sleep.

**x.x.x.x**

Kurt couldn't get himself to turn on his phone until he managed to pull himself out of bed at one in the afternoon the next day after a fitful night's sleep. As soon as it powered on, a message came in with a _ding_.

_So do I, Kurt. So do I._

Kurt read the message, the short combination of four words, over and over again. Before he knew what he was doing, he was dialing the number and holding the phone to his ear with a shaking hand.

"Kurt," the breathless voice said after the third ring.

"H-Hi," Kurt stuttered.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment before Blaine let out a nervous laugh. "Well this is certainly a surprise."

Kurt was about to ask why he was talking in a hushed tone when he realized what time it was. "Oh my God Blaine, you're at school. I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean to call while you were in class."

"Don't worry about it!" Blaine exclaimed. "It's not a big deal. I just told my math teacher I went to the bathroom; I doubt she'll notice I'm gone." He paused and when he started talking again, a smile was evident in his voice. "I'm just… I'm just really glad you called."

Kurt chuckled nervously. "S-So, um, did you get my text?" At that moment, he wanted to slap himself so hard, he'd go back in time to before he'd asked such a stupid question.

Blaine laughed. "Yes, you got my reply didn't you?"

"Yeah, I just… forgot for a second," Kurt said, trying to reconcile any dignity he had left.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, but Kurt couldn't gather the courage to say what he wanted to say. Blaine cleared his throat.

"K-Kurt," he started and Kurt heard him take a deep breath. "Where do we stand? Like, I know that's a vague question, but I can't get what happened between us, what we did, at Mr. Schue's wedding out of my head. And it didn't seem like you were opposed to or against any of it either…" He trailed off and Kurt started blushing.

"I t-told you… we're j-just friends."

"You don't sound very convinced," Blaine responded gently. "I'm not trying to push you into anything you don't want to do, but I just really want to know."

"Will you stop being so understanding?" Kurt exclaimed suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Kurt started, knowing before he even said it that he was going to regret everything he was about to say by the time he was finished saying it. "You're always so understanding of what I have these _urges_ to do and you let me _pull you into that hotel room_—"

"In my defense, it didn't take too much to be "understanding" of that one," Blaine interjected, stressing "understanding" like one would if they were using air quotes.

Kurt wasted no time getting back to his rant. "And you haven't said a word about me not making up my mind about how I feel on us and you've let me call us "just friends" after we hooked up twice at the wedding, one of them in a _car_ for God's sake and…" Kurt trailed off when he realized he was crying and let out a choked sob.

"Oh Kurt," Blaine soothed and at that moment, Kurt craved nothing more than to be able to cuddle up to Blaine and let him hold him close until he stopped crying.

A couple minutes later, after Blaine had murmured sweet nothings to him until his sobs subsided, Blaine was the first to speak.

"Kurt, no matter what we are or aren't or what we may become in the future, I will _never_ stop caring about you. You're my best friend and you were my first love and I _still_ love you Kurt. So much, you don't even know. So if the hardest thing I have to do it listen to you call us "just friends", even if we haven't been necessarily acting as such, then I can live with that. I can live with that if it means I could have a chance to be your boyfriend again." Kurt could hear the traces of a grin in the other man's sweet voice.

"You make me sound like a horrid person," Kurt groaned, unable to address anything else Blaine had just said. "I mean, what kind of person hooks up with their ex-boyfriend and then says their just friends?"

"Someone who's confused about what they want," Blaine said softly.

Kurt was quiet for a moment and then, without thinking, he blurted the first thing that came to his mind. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Blaine replied immediately.

"Not like that," Kurt clarified. He knew he was walking a fine line on a dangerous road he'd been avoiding for a long time, but he was finally ready to face it. "I miss you as a boyfriend Blaine. I miss being able to call you whenever I want and have it not be awkward. I miss being able to cuddle with you and watched a movie when I come home. I miss spending every possible minute with you. I miss… you know." He trailed off and, as his face heated up, he heard Blaine make a choking sound and then clear his throat. "I just miss _you_. I miss what we used to be. And you have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now." Kurt took a deep breath before actually saying the words. "I really want to get back together with you."

Kurt heard Blaine take a deep breath once he finished and then, with a smile once again evident in his voice, he spoke. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."

"I just feel…" Kurt continued, stopping for a minute to gather his thoughts. "I've done a lot of thinking since we broke up about _everything_ and I feel that… that I forgive you. I never stopped loving you Blaine. I just… I just wanted to make sure that this is what I wanted and that I could trust you again before I dove back into it."

"Kurt, there's no doubt in my mind that I will do _everything_ in my power to show you that I've earned your trust again," Blaine said, his voice tear-filled. "And with me auditioning for NYADA, hopefully I'll be in New York with you so we don't have to do this awful long distance thing," he added and Kurt could tell he was smiling again. "I have to ask though. What made you decide that this was the time?"

Kurt felt his cheeks flush. "You know how I told you we watched _Moulin Rouge_ yesterday? During "Come What May", I… I had this daydream and it was us, singing on a rooftop decorated just like the movie, and we slow danced and hugged and there were flashbacks to when we first met and when we first… you know." He paused and he heard Blaine chuckle. "It was romantic and perfect and you _know_ how I feel about that song and even though Adam was sitting next to me, I could only picture you singing that song with me. Not him."

"Singing that song with someone is more intimate to you than sex," Blaine murmured and Kurt nodded even though he knew the other man couldn't see him. "And it's our wedding song." He stopped and Kurt giggled. "Wow that was really awkward and embarrassing. Poor choice of words."

"Don't worry," Kurt assured him. "It's… It's actually the first thing I thought of when I chose the movie."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment until Blaine spoke again. "Kurt, you know I'd love to stay and talk to you for hours, especially after everything you've told me, but I should probably head back to class—"

"Oh yeah." Kurt felt silly that he'd forgotten that Blaine was in a bathroom at McKinley. "Go back to class."

"Can I call you later? I'm going to be talking about coming to the city for my NYADA audition and to visit the school with my parents later. I can tell you about what we decide if you want."

"I'd love that," Kurt answered sweetly. "We can plan to meet up while you're here."

"I'd love nothing more," Blaine said. "I'll talk to you later."

"Talk to you later. And Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. So much. Thank you again for everything."

Kurt could have sworn he heard a sniffle on the other end of the line. "I love you too Kurt."

The two exchanged final goodbyes before hanging up. Kurt, after pressing the "End Call" button, leaned back against his headboard, grinning from ear to ear and feeling like a lovesick school girl. A few seconds later though, he jolted forward when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called, the smile from talking to Blaine immediately disappearing from his face when he saw Adam step tentatively into the room. He was going to avoid the topic of why Adam was most likely in his room, since it wasn't like he'd been whispering and the apartment walls weren't sound proof, and play dumb. He didn't want to talk about what the other man had probably heard, but he decided to come out with it anyway. Kurt Hummel was being brave today.

"How much did you hear?" he asked.

"Enough," Adam said in his British accent.

"Adam, I'm so sorry—" Kurt started, but the other man cut him off gently.

"It's okay," he said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "I knew this day would come. I'm just glad it's sooner rather than later." He paused, as if considering whether or not he should continue speaking. "Tell me the truth. Was I just a rebound or was there ever the tiniest thought that I could be something more?"

Kurt hesitated for a moment. Adam's head dropped in understanding, but Kurt answered anyway. "At first I had myself convinced we had a chance to be something. As time went on though, I began seeing Blaine in everything we did and after the wedding…" He trailed off. "The movie last night proved it to me. I saw him Adam. I saw him singing the song to me and I realized you and I weren't meant to work." He stopped, feeling overwhelmingly guilty. "It's meant to be Blaine and I. It always has been and I have a feeling it always will be."

"I guess I can understand that." Adam said dejectedly. "I can't say I'm not upset or disappointed, but I'm mature enough to understand."

"Is there… Is there any way we can still be friends?" Kurt asked hesitantly, hating that he sounded like the most cliché person-breaking-up-with-someone ever and they hadn't even been officially dating. "You're a really nice guy and I'd love to still have a good friend at school."

"I'll have to think about it. I don't know if I can just jump to that right now because I really cared about you Kurt. In more than just a close friend."

"I'm so sorry," Kurt apologized again. "I really do care about you Adam. I just… I just need to do what I feel is right and that involves being with Blaine."

"It's all right. I think I'm going to head home though." Adam smiled. "No reason for me to stay here and make things even more awkward."

"But the snow—"

"My place isn't that far of a walk from here, I'll be fine. I've been living in the city long enough to know that everything doesn't completely shut down because of some snow." He stood up, Kurt doing the same, and the older man pulled him into a hug, which Kurt reciprocated.

"Thank you so much for understanding," Kurt murmured.

"You're welcome." They pulled away and Adam gave him a half smile as he walked towards the door. He stopped, though, with his hand on the doorknob as he turned back to look at Kurt. "I could always see it in your eyes. Whenever anyone mentioned him, your eyes would almost glaze over, as if your head was somewhere else; somewhere he was. I'd just tried to tell myself it was nothing." With that, he opened the door and, after walking out, shut it gently behind him.

Kurt jumped onto his bed and landed face-down in his blankets. He couldn't figure out how he _should_ feel; upset that he could lose Adam as a friend or ecstatic that he had Blaine back. He knew it had been him holding back and preventing them from getting back together, but looking back on it, he knew he'd made the right decision thinking everything through and giving themselves space before jumping back into anything. He loved Blaine and he wanted to make sure he was ready before he trusted Blaine with his heart. And now he knew that he was.

Kurt grinned widely into his blankets, an anxious feeling settling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of all that had happened in the past half an hour.

He couldn't wait to talk to Blaine later.


End file.
